so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
