Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
my poor anus
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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