the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
