i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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