you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My pussy is not your playground.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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