My hair reeks of homosexuality.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
