i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
