A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize