Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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