didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
