what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
