i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
