respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize