I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
