dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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