so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
