My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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