I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
