for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
