8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
