wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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