2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize