i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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