He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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