hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
