In the future we'll all be gay
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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