I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
