1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
