an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
