no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
