so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
