im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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