I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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