I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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