I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
