hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
