so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
