I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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