Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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