i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
