So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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