I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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