If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
