in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
