So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
