What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
