im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize