you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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