After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
