For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
