you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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