im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize