You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
