i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
