Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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