She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
