he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
