found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
