Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
