thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
