I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
