I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
