it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
