Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
