some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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