dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
