I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
