the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
