Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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