I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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