dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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