Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
