So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
