I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
