I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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