i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
